Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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