You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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