In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
True strength comes from lack of pants
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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