I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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