I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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