i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
