She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
