Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
