just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
do nipples grow back?
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