What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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