I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
