I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You may now shotgun with the bride
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize