Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
