I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
