I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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