Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize