Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
