You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
