Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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