How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
