you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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