we have pet lesbian snakes
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
