Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
