Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
