i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
