Duck Duck Cougar?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
