It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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