I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
