If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Fuck appropriateness.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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