what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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