3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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