Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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