Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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