When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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