Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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