Kareoke will never be a sober sport
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
