You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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