I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Farmville is her only friend.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
