I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
