walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm like, not good at living.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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