I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
