u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
