what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
