I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
