Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
