took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
