Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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