Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize