I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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