Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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