So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
