I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize