my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He felt like a one man threesome
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
