hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
