Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
