i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
