Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
