So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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