Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
