this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
