She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
