Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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