i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Randomize
