Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
