The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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