Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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