Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
