It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
