I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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