I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
do herpes really smell.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
