I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
