I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I will pee on everything he values.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
