She said her name was "party"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
