The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I will die if light touches me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
