Are we in a gay sports bar?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
