i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
