Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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