I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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