ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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