Heybabeimwearingurpanties
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
