What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
