walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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