Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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