My brain says no but my pants say off.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize