I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
