the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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