Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
