Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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