I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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